You grow them; it’s kind of like giving an athlete steroids, it doesn’t happen naturally and you get results through structured application. And what is it that you apply exactly - besides yourself that is? Well, quite a bit really, but it starts with the right environment, a caring, challenging, and exciting one. How do you find this individual leadership-cultivating utopia? Usually through adversity, at least that’s how I got there; because, of course, if everything is easy and good in life, there is no need to ever challenge yourself.
"...when you reflect, you understand that it’s not just your foxhole, it’s an integral part of the defense of the unit, those closest to you. So you learn to always seek improvement..."
Growing up living paycheck-to-paycheck and screening phone calls for bill collectors was a powerful motivator for me to not end up like my parents. I finally had everything come together for me to break the cycle when 9/11 happened in my senior year of high school. The tragedy had a profound effect on me as with so many others and when I showed up to the only college that accepted me, they had a Reserve Officer Training Corps (ROTC); I decided that was how I was going to contribute. Probably the single best decision of my life. I joined a group of people that were incredibly motivated, smart, fit, and interesting. To top it off, the cadre stoked the fire and our world class athlete first-year instructor Sergeant First Class Toby Angove was the perfect mentor. This is the type of environment where leadership grows, where people are all those things mentioned above, supportive and exciting. This inspired me to be like them and they like me and I have sought at every turn to replicate that atmosphere with the people whom I surround myself to this day. So, supportive, inspiring, challenging, and caring environment, check.
Next, start figuring out your niche. I recommend starting by doing what you like. Though this rarely winds up being what you do professionally, it could help you find that ideal environment and network from there. I enjoyed playing football in high school and decided to major in history in college. Today I do nothing directly related to either. But the team sport comradery and physical challenge set conditions for eventually joining the Army. As for history, with that background and eagerness to collect knowledge, I feel like I can contribute to any conversation, which is a powerful feeling. Eventually, you find out what you are good at, for me, it was being a professional soldier. Once you figure that out, ride that path and take it to the next level, working toward being the best. Before becoming a leader, you concentrate on yourself. Once a leader, you concentrate on making others better. Your charge for becoming the best is bringing others up to your level and the Army helped me find that drive - helped me become a leader. It’s ok to be selfish in wanting to be the best, because you develop and attract talent, then you add them to your awesome environment.
"Self-assess, then take it up a notch and seek out external assessment to get objective feedback. Instead of a score, what you will get are milestones..."
You don’t have to join the Army to be a leader but that’s how I figured it out. “Always improve your foxhole” they tell you. You literally do that, by digging, over and over. Sucks while you are doing it, since you usually don’t sleep for long periods. But later, when you reflect, you understand that it’s not just your foxhole, it’s an integral part of the defense of the unit, those closest to you. So you learn to always seek improvement, to never be satisfied with the status quo, literally and figuratively, which I still carry with me. You also learn to be an effective member of the team, which is an important part of the leadership learning experience. You can’t lead people if you have never lived a day in someone else’s shoes; empathy is powerful.
All along the way to leadership, you have to test yourself. Never expect a perfect score, there is no such thing in leadership, as I mentioned before, you are always seeking improvement and never satisfied with the status quo. Self-assess, then take it up a notch and seek out external assessment to get objective feedback. Instead of a score, what you will get are milestones that mark the way to your leadership aspirations. I self-assess everyday, after personal engagements, in the gym, etc. I sought external assessment with major challenges, when I went to Ranger School, then to Special Forces Assessment and Selection (SFAS) and Special Forces Qualification Course (SFQC), then as a Special Forces commander where there is no greater place to get feedback, direct and indirect. So while you are striving to be the best, that is the best place to be, in the process. While there, you are improving, listening to recommendations, accumulating effective practices, and growing other leaders. Being the best should always be an aspiration and never reality. You would stagnate and someone would be looking to over take you instead of you being the hungry one, so don’t get bored.
"...even with accomplishment, my purpose continues to evolve..."
Ultimately, after building that core group of positive influences to form my positive environment, it was that deliberate planning to challenge myself with leadership schools, leadership positions, and seeking improvement by joining other elite environments that has led me to my leadership development process. These all contributed to help refine my purpose to be more than a person who screens their phone calls. So even with accomplishment, my purpose continues to evolve, with family, entrepreneurial endeavors, and by continuing to collect awesome people in my life - a key aspect of resiliency is who you surround yourself with, after all. With these powerful support mechanisms, my purpose as a leader will never stop and I will never quit.